You've gone too far this time
How is it that you can be physically close to someone for months and they don't learn a thing about you? I'm not talking about a co-worker or neighbor, but a friend. Someone you lean on in hard times, the person that sees you at your worst, the person you want to tell about your day the person you see last before you sleep, that's the person I want to know me and trust most.
I'm a big girl, a grown woman, I can make my own world work for me and I can handle the pressure of being 26 (for one more day,) single, unemployed and out of shape; but I can't handle being let down. I make friendships, I make relationships, I make myself available to those around me and once more, those around me let me down. I'm sick of being this nice person that smiles at the right times, keeps her mouth shut and keeps her cool when everyone expects me to blow. I've developed a reputation for being walked all over, by friends, family, lovers, anyone who needs something from me. They know that I will give up my last drop of water for a thirsty friend and my last penny for a penniless beggar. I have often prided myself on my passionate and caring heart. I'm not good looking, I'm not successful, I'm not funny, I'm just a decent person. A decent person that realizes being decent isn't going to get me far anymore in this world.
I make mistakes, I make a ton of them, all the time and if I ever hurt someone it's unintentional. I never want to make someone I care about hurt, I would rather soak up the hurt for them than let them suffer a moment of pain. But I don't believe that others feel this way in the world, we've all met people that whether intentionally or not, they constantly offend others and batter emotions.
I've always been the type to hide my pain or anger and let it build up to a point that it all comes flowing out in one massive wave of hate and vengeance in a fiery fight that lasts hours. Lately I've been working on telling someone when I'm upset so I won't end up ruining our friendship in an epic Ashley melt-down. I realized I'd rather fight with someone I care about from time to time, rather than lose them in all out battle.
I just lost a battle I was trying to avoid, and it hurts. Happy effing birthday to me.
I'm a big girl, a grown woman, I can make my own world work for me and I can handle the pressure of being 26 (for one more day,) single, unemployed and out of shape; but I can't handle being let down. I make friendships, I make relationships, I make myself available to those around me and once more, those around me let me down. I'm sick of being this nice person that smiles at the right times, keeps her mouth shut and keeps her cool when everyone expects me to blow. I've developed a reputation for being walked all over, by friends, family, lovers, anyone who needs something from me. They know that I will give up my last drop of water for a thirsty friend and my last penny for a penniless beggar. I have often prided myself on my passionate and caring heart. I'm not good looking, I'm not successful, I'm not funny, I'm just a decent person. A decent person that realizes being decent isn't going to get me far anymore in this world.
I make mistakes, I make a ton of them, all the time and if I ever hurt someone it's unintentional. I never want to make someone I care about hurt, I would rather soak up the hurt for them than let them suffer a moment of pain. But I don't believe that others feel this way in the world, we've all met people that whether intentionally or not, they constantly offend others and batter emotions.
I've always been the type to hide my pain or anger and let it build up to a point that it all comes flowing out in one massive wave of hate and vengeance in a fiery fight that lasts hours. Lately I've been working on telling someone when I'm upset so I won't end up ruining our friendship in an epic Ashley melt-down. I realized I'd rather fight with someone I care about from time to time, rather than lose them in all out battle.
I just lost a battle I was trying to avoid, and it hurts. Happy effing birthday to me.
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