No excuse for you!

Sometimes I feel I'm a giant sounding board for all of my friends and truth be told, I love it.  Just heed my one rule, don't ask for my advice if you're not going to soak it up.   I received an email recently from a friend asking for my help in a situation and I realized I could totally help him (Yay!)  Not because I'm a dating guru, but because I am the b!t@h of a woman he is describing. They began talking, then dating, then facebook official, then she does the Texas two-step backwards right out of his reach.  Finally she gives him the heave-ho and he's left like this:

Long story short, I get the whole “you’re a great person”, “love having you in my life”, “but I’m not sure what I want/what I’m doing” speech, basically making me cringe every word I heard.  Been there, done that, would have preferred silence to that.  I tell her in the long run that I’m gonna be good either way, and that I just felt the need to let her know she deserves a shot to be happy and such...

For all you guys and gals out of the dating game let me translate for you what this female said to my friend:

I think you are great, but I'm absolutely positive there is something better than you out there.  So, I want to keep you as a friend, call you up every once in a while and if my plan of finding someone better doesn't work out, you're still there! Oh and before I hang up, you should tell me how pretty I am and how much I deserve to be happy one more time because I'm a woman and I need to hear that.

Think I'm making that up?  False.  I can give you a list of men from my past who will agree.  I did the same thing to them.  I'm not an angel but I learn from my mistakes and if my wretched past can help another, then so be it.  Here are those lame excuses and what we should really take from them...in my opinion.

Blow-off excuses:

"I don't know what I want in life."

"It's not you, it's me."

"I'm not ready to get serious."

"I don't want to hurt you."

I don't excel at much, but answers to the above shitty excuses... I EXCEL at those!

"I don't know what I want in life."

Yes you do and I don't fit in that plan, so tell me what you are really looking for.

"It's not you, it's me."

True, and it's not that something is wrong with me, it's that you have these great expectations in your head and I don't fit them perfectly.  Good luck finding the "Giselle-Einstein-Martha Stewart-Your Momma" combo you have built up in your head.  I bet she's single and waiting for you.

"I'm not ready to get serious."

Who is ready? For real? Ask a guy on death row if he's ready to get serious.  Ain't nobody ready for eternal commitment, but I can give you one hell of a ride on the way there. To further validate this point, a guy opened up to me recently and said this is a bullshit excuse from every guy (and I concur  female), it's their fall back, it's their get-outta-purgatory card, it's their easy out of every relationship.

"I don't want to hurt you."

That didn't seem an issue when you had me bending in ways I didn't know my body could handle...

Okay, okay, that's smartass, but for real... that's the reason we date isn't it?  So we can get hurt, heal and love harder? Don't let me go because you're afraid you'll break me, hold me tighter to protect me from everything else.

If you date someone and you genuinely like them as a person, tell them the truth why it's over!  It sucks to say and it sucks to hear, but finding out what other people find wrong with you is a great eye opener.  Maybe it's something they have been wanting to change about themselves and they didn't realize others noticed.  Maybe it's a problem they didn't know they had (I once broke up with a guy for constant bad breath.) Maybe it truly is a problem with yourself, but if it is, give the person some courtesy and open up and tell them why you are unhappy.  You never know... what you say to someone can change their entire direction in life.  I've had 3 guys over the past 5 years say almost identical statements to me. It hurt to hear but I know what my primary problem is... and f%$k them.  Love me as I am or move along.

Which is the point of this story...you aren't going to please everyone, you don't fit every person's version of perfect, that's fine as long as you are happy with yourself.  Move along now and find someone better to spend your time with.  Bullshit excuses are for bullshit people and we all deserve better than that.