Oh you don't get down digitally?

I've always been on the side of the fight that technology is killing interpersonal communication in today's society.  Texting has replaced calling, instant messaging has replaced talking to your co-worker, Netflix has replaced an afternoon at the theater...we're in a rapidly growing world and becoming more and more alone.  I even wrote about it last summer (read it here).  All in all my views haven't changed but... my phone did... and with that, I got FaceTime.  Life has evolved.

Most recently I've spent the last few months on an informal case study of sorts...how can technology strengthen a relationship?  As I have explained previously, I have multiple male friends across the country, and although I am dating zero, zilch, nada of them, I still talk to them all pretty regularly.  But what is talking to someone without seeing their face?  It's like eating without tasting your food...extremely unsatisfying.  So recently I put "FaceTime" to the test.  I've used it to talk to my sister in Texas, Mr. Holiday in the Mid-West, Mr. Summer in the great plains, my roommate in the next room and most notably, I used FaceTime over the past 4 months to get to know someone who travels constantly for work.  Before all the wheels get to turning please do not mistake this for me saying I used it for some sort of web-cam show or that crap... I didn't.  I simply used FaceTime to see the a person when we physically couldn't without the help of technology.

Okay side note... back in the day n*sync had an absolutely great song "Digital Get Down"  it was dirty as hell! At the time I was 16 and like " ohhh how scandalous!" ...videoing with your boo and getting naked ...what the hell were they using for video in 2000? Those shitty webcams that looked like creepy robot eyes?  No thanks... I'll stick with my iPhone.

When you are getting to know someone and you only get to see them once a month, you'll want to find other ways to get to see each other, and FaceTime satisfied that need for me beyond belief.  It's nice to sit down in your own kitchen while eating dinner and be able to talk to someone eating their room service meal in New York. It's like a free date that takes 50% less time.  One of the best date's I've had is with Mr. Holiday, I love him to pieces, I only get to see him when he comes home for holidays and he's one of my best friends, yet we shared a few glasses of wine and some FaceTime with our dogs.  Just hanging out on the couch 2 time zones apart and discussing our days while drinking some vino, absolutely wonderful.   To see someone's face first thing in the morning when you wake up or last thing before you fall asleep, even though they are 1,000 miles away is so comforting it's unbelievable.  Use this technology to advance your relationships with anyone in your life you can!  Sunday, I got to wake my nephew up from a nap while still in my own bed at home, it was super cute.  Furthermore, I shouldn't admit I participated in FaceTime while driving...but I did...and to have my sister ride with me on the back roads from our farm to our parent's house, like we do every holiday was comforting.

So my point... texting and instant messaging are killing the lines of interpersonal communication that we have built as a society from the ground up...yet applications like FaceTime and Skype are strengthening those same lines. We need to utilize these great features technology has given us to better ourselves and our relationships with others.  We must realize when a call is needed over a text, when a face needs to be seen and not just a voice being heard, and most importantly we need to acknowledge when technology isn't getting the job done and real, face to face communication is in absolute demand.

Hide your crazy and start actin' like a lady...

My friends always say they live vicariously through me.  That through my blog and tweets, they see into the life of the single chick without kids, the woman they have graduated from.  It’s fun.  I like thinking that people are envious of some aspect of my life, it’s like knowing when someone likes your outfit and it makes you walk a little taller.  I tell stories because I know my life is funny, somewhat random and often out of the ordinary or even crazy. I tell my life to you, because it’s fun for me.  Today is one of those days I’m living vicariously through all of you instead.

Today sucked.  I was going to try and write something cute and catchy about the pitfalls of dating emotionally and physically unavailable men when I just realized: nothing about me today is cute and catchy.  Okay, yes, I'm always cute but catchy today, I am not. A good mood I am not either.  It’s been a long time since I wrote about the guys in my life, and as you would expect, there is a calculated reason for it.  I've been happy, I've been really happy…up until today.  To revisit my original thought; today sucked.

When a guy exits my life I often have a post to his rise or demise and I get the moral of the story across in a bitchy manner.  More often than not, those guys read my writing…some of the most honest conversations I've had are right after they've read about themselves. Sometimes I feel bad or even remorseful but other times I feel liberated like "HEY ASSHOLE THIS IS WHAT YOU DID WRONG!" And then I sit and watch my page views climb and I laugh into my vodka, Chelsea Handler style. 

Anyhow...Today a guy walked out of my life, threw his hands up and said he was done, I don’t blame him.  He doesn't get a funny story or a slander, he doesn't get demonically hurt. This guy is special, so he gets his privacy. He doesn't even read my writing, but he knows it exists.  He’s a Yankees fan who hates Dave Matthews Band, dogs and chocolate… it was never going to work. However, he thought great things about me...so I wish it would have worked out, that would've been fantastic.  So anyhow, today sucked.

Now?  Back to being happy.  It’s better than continuing to let today suck.

oh and if you don't get the title of the post... you need to listen to more country music.

Ain't nobody got time for that

Okay so I've got some bitching to do... get some popcorn and a whiskey... it's the not-so-perfect pAsh. 

and...here...we...go...

WHY ON EARTH DO YOU TAKE OFF YOUR WEDDING RING AT A BAR AND BUY A WOMAN DRINKS, ASK TO TAKE HER OUT AND THEN TWO DAYS LATER TELL HER YOU ARE MARRIED AND WANT TO KNOW IF SHE STILL WANTS TO HANG OUT?!
::insert all my favorite curse words::

Phew...breathe Ashley, breathe.  Thank goodness for the following things:

A) he wasn't that cute and his job was lame
B) he only got a card with an e-mail, no numbers exchanged
C) the person he hit on has morals
D) I've got something to write about now :)

Men, get yourselves in check! This isn't 1960 and you are not a suave Don Draper...your swag isn't that great and your marriage is sacred. Stop the act and start acting right.  I'm absolutely sick of it and I'm sure all the other single women out there are as well. We don't want to be your one woman pity party, we don't want to partake in your self deprecating life style and we sure as hell don't want to go snatching up another woman's man.  If this was the first time I've come across this I'd shrug it off as a dude with issues, yet it's not. The amount of guys I know who have done this is just sickening.  Absolutely disgusting. I'm 28 and single and I swear I'm going to stay this way because T-R-U-S-T seems to be the most undervalued word in the English language.

I'm obviously not married but let me give you some basic life advice...if your marriage is that bad. Get the hell out.  Don't use the time old excuse of sticking around for the kids, that's bullshit.  I thank God everyday my parents got divorced when they did.  Also, get the hell out because the person who is still wearing their ring deserves better. Furthermore, the women and or men (women cheat too) who you are shamelessly trying to flirt with, we don't need your issues. Ain't nobody got time for that!

I'm not saying it wasn't me and I'm not saying it was...I'm saying this:
Hell yes, married men have flirted with me shamelessly.  Of course, they have also flirted with my friends.  Most importantly, my friends have been the wives at home while the husband slips the ring into his pocket and tries to slip into something more loose. 

Get your shit together people...and if you can't...don't drag others into it.

Hanging in to just hang on

Last night I was having one of those nights.  You know, the kind that you are just...not yourself.  I was unbalanced, unsure and most importantly; I felt extremely unloved. I unloaded my thoughts on to someone that didn't deserve to be burdened by them, as much as I share in my writing there is much more I prefer to keep private.  After reading a torturously long text explaining my horrid mood, he said one thing, "Hang in there."  That is a typical male response and one I've heard plenty of times before, but this time it struck me.  It struck me so hard that I repeated it to myself over and over again, "Hang in there" and I realized, that's what I was sick of doing.  I'm sick of hanging in there.

I'm always hanging in there, just hanging by a thread after everyone else has shoved me far down the rope to leave me hanging at the end by myself.  I've taken a lot of emotional abuse from a handful of people over the years, people that should be standing beside me holding me up, not pushing to get ahead of me and shoving me down.  I've said it once before in my writing and I'll say it again; to know that the people in the world who are supposed to love you the most, openly admit they don't like you... is heartbreaking.  I've learned to deal with it and I've learned to hang in there.  As a child I was told, don't let it get to you, keep on being strong, so many other people love you... but what is it all worth when the love isn't from those you desire and deserve?

I said in my last blog "do not mistake my candidness for foolishness, regard it as a precursor to my loyalty."  That my dears, is the absolute truth.  I am the most loyal person you will ever meet.  Once you gain my loyalty you have me in your reign.  Today, I spent most of my day in bed with a good friend watching sports, discussing life and avoiding a hangover.  This friend gets me, he loves me and I will keep him forever as a best friend because our loyalty to each other is unwaivering.  He even said to me today, "You're too loyal, some people don't deserve that from you."  He was right.  When I prove my loyalties and they are disregarded by those closest to me, I realize it's time to reassess those relationships.  I must stop "hanging in there" in regards to the relationships that are getting me no where.

I don't need to hang on to relationships that only benefit one person, and always leave me scrambling to find my way back into the fold.  I don't want to hang in there anymore, I want to be comfortably stable in the midst of good friends, a loyal family and healthy relationships.  I know it's not too much to ask, infact I shouldn't have to ask it at all.  It's what I deserve.

Big words. Small meanings.

I'm strong, I'm smart, I'm quick and I'm anything but quiet.  I have a great love for the human race and a great hatred for the human way.  If there is anything for one to learn about my character it's that I'm never to be taken too seriously but always taken in fully.

I've been hurt by those closest to me and abandoned by those who have once saved me.  To love me is to hate me and to admire me is to abhor my very being. I take my role in life very seriously and I rarely take my self as a serious being.  I have a playful demeanor and a demeaning behavior.

To loathe me is to mean you have scratched the surface of my soul; whereas to love me is to mean you have barely scratched the surface of my being.  I am a caring soul, one with intense passion and shallow regard for the idleness of others; I'd much rather love the soul of another than regard my own existence with care.  I will push you to feel the resistance and I will pull you to feel the closeness.

Do not mistake my candidness for foolishness, regard it as a precursor to my loyalty.

You're gonna miss me when I'm gone

Okay, it's that time of year again, bust out my plaid skirt and polo tee, I'm back to being a Catholic and ready for my Lenten sacrifice.  Last year I tried to give up ______ and I made it a whopping 3 days. I'll let you all imagine what that was but let's just say a man talked me into going back on that promise. I also tried to give up cursing but really....if you know me you know that was unsuccessful as hell.

So this year I'm taking a different approach, why not give up something I can immediately see the benefits of and correlate that time I gain into something more productive?

I'm giving up my personal twitter.  Say hasta la vista baby... I'm done for 40 days and 40 nights.  I will however continue to blog and tweet for my work, so if you really want to know what I am up to... check back here periodically.  I want to spend that time focusing on a better me and alternating my waste of social media space into more worship time.  I've realized my relationship with God has become strained and stretched and I need to work on that first and foremost.  I've been coming up with this plan for about a week now and I have to admit, it scares the shit out of me.  So to make sure I don't cheat and I will be held accountable, I'm telling everyone... I give up twitter.  My password will be changed tomorrow morning by a friend, sealed in an envelope and placed on my desk where I will stare at it every day and remind myself, "God is bigger than social media." 

Secondary thought, I'm giving up booze as well.  Straight up.  I'm done. No wine, no beer, no vodka, no old fashions... I'm crying just thinking of this.  No not really, but what could it hurt?  A buddy of mine is doing the same and his point is save some money, shed some lbs, be a better person.  I couldn't agree more.

My aunt brought up a few years ago, why not add something to your life during Lent instead of just giving something up.  So here is where I will add in my time with God.  The parish in my neighborhood is small and struggling, why not give them my support and become a regular attendee.  Hell, I can even walk, it's approximately 10 houses away.

So there it is ladies and gents:

No Twitter

No Booze

More God

I can do it.  

Valentine's Help For The Fellas

With Valentines Day coming up I have been asked by a reader and fellow blogger to put together a Do and Don't list for the fellas. Remember, if you take my advice, every woman is different, you know your woman the best...but really I'm an expert on everything so just go with what I say. 

Do

- Make her feel special!

- Get her a card, make sure to actually read the card and choose one that fits your relationship. *Bonus points: get a beautiful blank card and write a real, sincere message on the inside. 

- Flowers aren't necessary, she may think big bouquets are atrocious. But my rule is always: a single rose is never too much but no flower at all is never enough. 

- Make plans! (Give her a heads up so she knows something is happening and she doesn't stab a voodoo doll with your name on it during the day) *Bonus points: texts throughout the day telling her how excited/in love/whatever you are. 

Plans:

This may be going out to dinner. If so, a hip restaurant with a cozy feel is always a winner...as long as they have good food. Read reviews first! Know if they take reservations, know their specialties, get a sense for the place. 

If you'd rather, cooking for her is always appreciated. Not always enjoyed, but always appreciated. Make sure to choose something right for you and your lady. Don't cook the vegan a steak and stay away from gaseous foods if you plan on some late night activity. 

One of my favorite dinner ideas is ordering in or picking it up...with a twist. This involves really knowing your lady, but its well worth it.  Get appetizer, main course and dessert from her favorite restaurants. Does she love the shrimp cocktail at St. Elmo's but the Chicken Parm at Iarias and the Creme Brûlée at Ruth's? GO GET ALL 3! Show up at home with a bottle of wine, her favorite movie and you're GOLDEN. 

- If gift giving is in your nature, jewelry is always smiled upon. However what about tickets to the symphony, a show, a event she would like...anything that would mean another romantic date with you!

- Do put thought into whatever you do. This doesn't have to be a Hallmark holiday but it should be memorable. 

Don't

- Don't blow this off, it means something to her. That's what this is about. 

- Don't forget. We all know what February 14 is. 

- Don't ever, ever, ever pick a fight on valentines day. You know when you are picking one. Don't fucking do it. (Yes, this happened to me.)

- Don't do the loving stuff just once a year. She puts up with you, your friends, your video games and your sports addictions year round. She deserves to be adorned year round as well. 

Definitely don't make light of this holiday. She doesn't.  Even if she pretends she doesn't care...she does. This is about a mutual love so share in the fun together.