Who needs knives? Emotions cut deeper...
With today’s technology rapidly advancing the world is at our fingertips. News from Nepal, banking in Brazil, celeb gossip from rehabs in Malibu and most importantly up to the minute info on anyone you are or are not friends with on Facebook. Who hasn’t facestalked someone? An old friend from middle school, a co-worker, a cute friend of a friend’s cousin, or as I screwed up and did tonight, my ex’s current girlfriend.
I guess I facestalked her to just see what I would discover, and when I saw a picture of the two of them as her profile I about vomited. In no way shape or form do I want to be with my ex but I think about him often in an endearing manner. I hope that he is doing well, I wonder how is family is doing but underneath it all, I think I just want to see how he is doing without me. I wish I could say I have this one trip-up and my only form of emotional masochism is facestalking, but no, that would be too easy.
In general, I have found that I often do things that I immediately feel sick over. Kind of like buyers remorse when a shop-a-holic goes shopping, except for me it’s usually memory remorse. A picture that I know will bring back a flood of sad feelings, re-reading my college diary and feeling ill over the things I said and did that I thought were okay at the time. This “regret” I guess you could say is my conscious haunting me at a later time.
I have always said that I have only one regret in life, every other mistake was just a lesson learned. I truly believe this, I don’t regret anything I’ve done I just regret hurting myself or other people along the way. So why is it that I have such an emotional response to memories that I can do nothing about? Quite frankly I think I’m an emotional masochist and that shit has got to stop immediately.
No more doing something I know I’m going to feel remorse over, this includes my emotional, self masochist tendencies, Beginning now, I’m only going to remember the good in things I’ve done because I can’t change the past and I’m not feeling any remorse. However having said that, if anyone stumbles across a Delorium …let me know.
I guess I facestalked her to just see what I would discover, and when I saw a picture of the two of them as her profile I about vomited. In no way shape or form do I want to be with my ex but I think about him often in an endearing manner. I hope that he is doing well, I wonder how is family is doing but underneath it all, I think I just want to see how he is doing without me. I wish I could say I have this one trip-up and my only form of emotional masochism is facestalking, but no, that would be too easy.
In general, I have found that I often do things that I immediately feel sick over. Kind of like buyers remorse when a shop-a-holic goes shopping, except for me it’s usually memory remorse. A picture that I know will bring back a flood of sad feelings, re-reading my college diary and feeling ill over the things I said and did that I thought were okay at the time. This “regret” I guess you could say is my conscious haunting me at a later time.
I have always said that I have only one regret in life, every other mistake was just a lesson learned. I truly believe this, I don’t regret anything I’ve done I just regret hurting myself or other people along the way. So why is it that I have such an emotional response to memories that I can do nothing about? Quite frankly I think I’m an emotional masochist and that shit has got to stop immediately.
No more doing something I know I’m going to feel remorse over, this includes my emotional, self masochist tendencies, Beginning now, I’m only going to remember the good in things I’ve done because I can’t change the past and I’m not feeling any remorse. However having said that, if anyone stumbles across a Delorium …let me know.
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